Yes I know it really has been quite a while since I posted what can I say I just have been going through a lot both personally and at school. Tough decisions to make, exams just behind the corner and also personal dilemmas. But hey I am back now and have so much to share with you guys. I decided to make this blog a little more personal so I can actually also get advice from you guys. Now today’s post might be a little vague from the title but will clear itself up. It’s also similar to one of my earlier posts The One left Out 😦 however that was slightly different, only touching the surface of things.
So a while ago, like most friendships do, one of my closest friends yet and I grew apart but instead I got to know these other two who were so friendly and kind. Obviously being the person I am I let them into my life and we became almost like the best of friends or that is what it seemed like at the beginning. Over time as I got to know them more and spent time with them as a trio. I realised that as a group of three one of us usually feels left out and since the two of them got to know each other before I joined their group I am usually that person. At first it upset me but I can’t change anything about that. We are all quite loud characters but I am the quietest of them all. I put on a brave face and talk loudly and laugh a lot but inside if someone is upsetting me I will find it hard to open up and tell them in the fear that they will feel bad and also I would feel guilty and selfish. So whenever I spent time with one of them, which is rare, the other one will straight away voice that they feel left out and me, feeling guilty, will immediately apologise only afterwards realising I didn’t do anything wrong. However when the tables are turnt and they hang out and I feel left out, I don’t mention it and they don’t realise it either. It’s not their fault I can hide emotions easily. It can be the smallest of things that slowly add up to make me feel this way such as discussing among themselves but when I ask what it’s about they just brush it off saying it’s nothing. Also just knowing each other longer means they have plenty of inside of jokes and they would start giggling and I would ask what’s so funny trying to get them to open up but again they would say I wouldn’t “get it” and it doesn’t matter. I portrayed them as being evil but they are really not. When me and my friend went separate ways they were the only people I could depend on who would look after me and take time for me. Just generally they are really sweet people.
The one time that I did mention it they said that we r a group/trio and we all like each other equally but not long after that they paired up again and I would think to myself “no we sometimes really aren’t a group”. It hasn’t been that long since I got to know them so maybe when I get to know them even better we really will be a trio and can learn to adjust. The thing is they are absolutely wonderful people but I don’t know what to do. Should I wait and see how it goes? Should I tell them? What do you guys think?