Double faced

Okay so this is one of the things I hate most: when people I trusted with secrets or even my feelings turn out to be two-faced. I mean when you get to know someone and start growing close to them over the years, there’s this unspoken bond of trust and reliability linking the two people so you start sharing some things because there are no signs that people may have ill intentions. There’s no neon sign hanging over their head reading “Backstabber” so you just have to go with your gut feeling and after years if getting to know each other you would think that you know them pretty well. You would think “I can trust them! They won’t be like the others, they’ll be loyal.” But then a bomb goes up in our life when you find out that all this time they have been backstabbing you by spilling your secrets, confessing your feelings or even talking badly behind your back. To your face, they will be all innocent, kind and bubbly but then behind your back when they think you are out of ear-shot the truth comes out. And it just hurts you that years of friendship go down the drain. But one thing I would look out for is the way they talk about others to you because you never know if they talk the same way about you. I found that the people that talked badly about others to me and made me feel awkward when put in that situation are those who also talked badly about me behind my back.

I used to blame myself for not seeing it before or that maybe I did something to make them behave like this. That maybe I am just not good enough. But then I realised after years of blaming myself for every single double-faced person I had met, and believe it, it’s a lot, that it’s not my fault. I couldn’t blame myself for everything that they were or had become. They chose to be like this whether it was me affected or someone else it was still the same. I think it stems from their own insecurities. Because they don’t want to be picked on or be the victim they victimize others but in such a way that it hurts even more and I think they might feel a bit of remorse so they continue to hang out with you but really it’s just to squeeze more information out of you which they can use against you later. And afterwards when you find out you feel betrayed, open and vulnerable.

I found that the best way to deal with such people if to just confront them, don’t care if it will make them awkward but they are dishonest and false and just a liar and the least you deserve is an explanation. Still remember not just to do the same about them no matter how tempting it may feel, don’t stoop to their level, be civil and just talk to them about it. And if you aren’t the person being victimized but the recipient then just stand up to them saying this is wrong and this isn’t how a friend should behave. Stop the chain reaction. Do something about it, don’t just let the bullying go on and worst of all don’t be a part of it.

At times like these, it’s the perfect opportunity to reconsider which people you really want in your life, because it definitely isn’t double-faced ones. During occasions such as these, you find out who your true friends are because they will stop the chain and talk to it about it and make sure you are okay. They will stick by you and be supportive whilst everyone is gossiping.

But most important remember not to play their game out of revenge or anger because that will get you nowhere and you will hate yourself or it later and regret it. You don’t want to stoop to their level. What are your guy’s views on this? Have you ever met a double-faced person? How did you deal with it? Let me know in the comments below.

Going offline,

Girlalert xxx


Image result for sunsets and sunrises

Hey guys,

When I was on holidays over winter break with my family, we often stay up really late in the night sometimes even through the night. Why? Well the place we go to has beautiful sunsets and sunrises. That got me thinking, why don’t I dedicate a post to it?

So I am quite an analytical person by nature I think. Don’t confuse it with school, I am horrible at analysing poems and pieces of writing but in every-day life, I think almost everything is symbolic of something or has a hidden deeper, meaning and our descriptions of those things only just scratch the surface. Yeah, you guessed it two examples of that are sunrises and sunsets.

So let’s start with the things that actually starts the day, as well as coffee of course, that’s also sunrises. I think that symbolically speaking sunrises indicate not just the start of a new day but also another chance to make things right if you had a fight with someone. It’s like a fresh start, a clean slate. If you had a bad day yesterday, it’s like reassurance that the bad things are left behind and today can be a better day. It’s the opportunity learn from your previous mistakes and to not do them again. In one word it’s hope!

And now let’s skip the rest of the day to the sunset. I think that sunsets are incredibly beautiful. The streaks of colours blend together and slice them sky painting a breath-taking portrait. And it’s also super romantic because movies and tv shows often show couples doing walking around during twilight or the sunsets. Sunsets can also symbolise that if you had a bad day no matter how long it may seem it will end and you will eventually have your peace. It symbolises the completion of a day whether that may be a good one or a bad it will end nonetheless.

So those are my interpretations and thoughts. I find them both equally lovely for different reasons so I would find it hard to choose which is my favourite. One works better for some situations and moods than the other one. But I am going to ask you anyway, which one do you guys like most?

Going offline,

Girlalert xxx


My dream house! – Blog Collab

Hey everybody,

So first I have a piece of good news and no not just that it is the weekend but guys and this is a big deal for me. We have 40 members guys (excluding me). Our little corner of the website is growing and I so so happy about it. When I first started the blogging I mostly did it for others but also a little for myself but now I find that by sharing my personal experiences many people feel more open to talk about their own and we can discuss our lives and the problems in it together and figure it out. I feel like more people can relate to me and it’s a platform for everyone to be themselves and just rock at it. I wanted this to be a little safe corner for people where they can read my posts and be like “I  totally felt like this” and “Turns out I am not the only one” because it also reassuring when you are not the only one who went through something and had to deal with it. It’s like reassurance that no one is perfect and you don’t have to try to be. So welcome to everyone who’s new and welcome back to anyone who has already been with me. Thank you all for supporting so much.

One of my favourite things about blogging is also to get to know other bloggers and connect with them and talking about supportive: I have decided to do a blog collab with FairyLightsAndPolaroids the talented and lovely writer behind a wonderful blog. Our topic is like the title gives away: My dreamhouse!

So I am actually one of those girls that grew up watching Barbie and then later with my little cousins and nieces I ended up watching Life in the Dreamhouse, a spin-off of Barbie, against my choice might I add. But no matter how old I get I always want a wardrobe like hers. I know I know I can’t possibly have that large a wardrobe but I still want a large wardrobe a walk-in wardrobe with lots of colours and all my shoes on one side. Filled to the brim will different types of styles of shoes and having one corner all for my jewellery sorted into its categories neatly like all my bracelets in one place and necklaces in another, of course, untangled because it’s a pain to untangle them. In one of the episodes I remember in her wardrobe was like a machine that matched everything in your closet to create millions of beautiful stylish outfits and I would love to have something like that to chose my outfits from, it would make things so much easier and I would have to spend less time in front of my wardrobe pulling out my hair in frustration trying to find a coordinated outfit. LOL. So my wardrobe is the only real specific type of furniture I have really given a lot of thought about in my dream house. Of course, I wouldn’t want my clothes and my bedroom to be nearly as pink because well I like pink but I also like other colours. I would probably want a huge bed with a TV hanging across from it. Possibly drapes around the side to create a majestic effect. It would probably be out of wood, mahogany maybe, and have white drapes but I don’t know yet. And I have always wanted my bedroom to be a circular room with lots of windows but high in the air so not many people could look in it. Kind of like a turret so I don’t want my house to be a tower itself but maybe have a small turret coming off of it with only space for two rooms. My bedroom and a bathroom. It should only rise one floor above the rest of the house. So it’s almost like my own private floor but it’s so big it looks too empty. On the first floor would probably be extra bedrooms with en-suite bathrooms you know if I decide to have kids or have guests over and a gym maybe a playroom for the kids? Then on the ground floor, I would obviously have a kitchen made of beautiful granite counters and lights that illuminate the bottom floor. Stairs from the kitchen would lead to a wine cellar and I would have a kitchen island in the middle with stools on one side so for snacks I could sit there or for casual meals. For proper meals with other families, there would be a huge dining room with a chandelier and a long table. That room will probably be the most expensive looking with beautiful carvings in the wood furniture surrounding it. The living room will be housing a beautfiul couch and plenty of colourful pillows. All around would be plenty of bookshelves filled with books to the brim. But and here’s the special thing. One of them would open into a private study room for me. It will have a hammock attached to the ceiling, a beanbag in the corner and a small window seat like in Victorian houses, where I can read, think or write maybe even blog 😉 Attached to the living room would be an indoor movie theatre so I can get the cinematic experience from home.  There would also be an indoor pool with a bar and overhead lights. There will be a conservatory looking out into the garden. I would probably sit there with friends or family and just enjoy the view. The garden itself will be massive with tennis courts, a jacuzzi, a natural looking out-door swimming pool (not a typical size like a rectangle or something) and a sauna next to the swimming pool. A fountain would be in the middle of garden enclosed in a circle by hedges obviously with gaps to walk in between. They would be manicured and neatly trimmed. Kind of like a maze only you will find your way in and out easily. Attached to the house would be a small porch where there is an open fireplace so sit and relax with hot chocolate or tea or something or read in the late summer afternoon sun.

The house itself as you can imagine is a mansion, a house with lots of history but that beautiful old look to it. The inside would be modern and chic though and the garden always looking its best. It would probably be situated near the coast somewhere not one of those beach houses, further away from that but still near neighbours but in the countryside on a hill facing the ocean maybe so if you took the car you would in the beach in no time. I don’t know if such a place exists but I wanna live there. The front door will have steps leading down to the driveway which will be like a C and on the backside, there will be the conservatory in the middle but you can also walk down two flights of stairs flanking each side of the house from the first floor, from the balcony that surrounds most of the rooms.

Image result for beautiful mansions


These are kind of like the stairs down each side at the back. And that kind of turret only rising up another floor oh, of course, those kinds of balconies.



Image result for beautiful mansions


And these right of stairs leading up to the front door and then where the lavender bushes are there would be the driveway shapes like a C but turned 90 clockwise.

Image result for beautiful mansions

And this is what I meant by the natural outdoor pool.




Image result for in door movie theatre in houseImage result for indoor gym in houseImage result for kitchen expensive beautifulImage result for front porch with fireplaceImage result for fountain in garden with circular hedgesImage result for beautiful gardensImage result for beautiful gardensImage result for beautiful gardens

Image result for victorian window seat


This is the kind of Victorian window seat I mean




And this is the secret study I meant behind one of the bookshelves.





So that’s my dream house guys. I know it will never actually come through or that I will be able to afford it but hey it’s nice to dream. What things do you like about my dream house and what things would you change? Let me know in the comments below.

Going offline,

Girlalert xxx


Letting go of people

Heya readers,

I am sorry I haven’t been able to post more regularly but to my defence if you read my last post you can probably guess why. Firstly I have had more and more people join this community or little group of ours, especially this week. So welcome to everyone who’s new and welcome back to anyone who has already been with me. I hope you guys had a great week whether that be at school or at work. But I still go to school so well it hasn’t been that great because I have heaps of homework but what to do right? Haha. So it got me thinking with school, comes friends and sometimes fights. Friends come and go but some you have to let go. And this was the case this week.

To give you a brief rundown, one of my closest friends yet and me had a bit of a tangle. And if you know me I am usually the type of friend that will apologize even when it’s clearly not my fault. I will talk myself into thinking it was all my fault. But this time I thought she was just looking for a fight and totally over-reacting about the issue. So for once I stood up for myself and told her so. In other situations, I would apologise the next day but this time I didn’t apologise and I told myself not to. It was obviously not my fault and I was sick of being pushed around and taking responsibility or everything. In addition, I had a feeling that my friend and I had been growing apart for quite some time. I mean I would text her and I could see she had seen it but she wouldn’t reply and we didn’t meet as much, etc. I just felt this gap growing between us. We were becoming distant and had less in common because she had changed so much in the time I knew her. That’s when I realised she wasn’t the same person anymore, she wasn’t the person I befriended and it’s not her fault or mine or anyone’s. People change it’s natural but I hadn’t changed I was still the same so that’s why we talked less and had less common and grew apart. That made me decide that although it was hard I had to let her go. I had known her for so long and confided in her and everything and in the past we had made great memories but it just wasn’t the same.  I, We couldn’t pretend it was and blindly cling onto it. So although ti was hard, painful and emotional I told her that we had both changed and we would remain friends but we can’t force it to be best friends or close friends the way we used to be. She accepted it and we kinda went out separate ways. we still say hi and have the occasional small talk but we don’t hang out nearly as much. And honestly, it feels better. I know it sounds strange but I am glad we got that out of the way and faced the awkwardness before it got even more awkward. I feel like I don’t have to pretend to like all the things she does or pretend to understand the things she talks about or go looking for her in order to spend time with her. I feel more confident and independent and free like I don’t have to pretend to be someone in order to hang out with her and her new friends. So yeah guys that’s it.

Bildergebnis für letting go of friends

Have you ever had to let go of friends maybe even a partner?

Going offline,

Girlalert xxx

Melancholy moments…

Image result for things related to losing someone to death

So everyone probably figured out by now I try to be positive as much as I can. I mean I am a positive person really. But so far 2018 hasn’t turned out to be the best year for me or my family. I thought it would be a fresh start and I would kick it off with a positive chirpy attitude. But then guess what?

Somone dies in my family. So I was slapped in the face with grief from a death of a family member just 1 day into the new year. Now it’s been 16 days, a little over 2 weeks, and we had to let go another 3 people. I mean seriously not the best year, right? That’s not the way I wanted to start it anyway. I have lost so many people close to me in a span of 2 weeks. I don’t think anyone should go through that. I also wasn’t able to post for a bit and I do apologise but I was dealing with my emotions and just supporting my family as much as I could at this time.

When the news of the first death reached me it knocked me off balanced. I was so sad all the time, I didn’t smile and was constantly deep in thought. I recounted all my memories with the person and how much I would miss them. I would burst into tears in the middle of school all of a sudden and not even realise. Other times I would not socialize with my friends but just sit and think and listen. I thought about how lucky the people around me were not to have to go through this. It’s hard losing someone especially if they were close to you and you almost feel guilty if you laugh or have fun with friends because you’ll be thinking about how you laughed with them, all the good memories with that person and how they will never laugh again because they’re gone. I know it sounds cliche but it was literally part of me died with them.

I was gloomy the whole day, every day and when my friends tried to cheer me up I just ignored them and pushed them away, wanting to be alone. But then the news of the passing of other family members started pouring in like a waterfall just one after the other and it just wouldn’t stop. I didn’t even have time to mourn the last one before I heard that another one passed. I didn’t have time to process it and it was so exhausting and sorrowful. And when I heard about the last one just a few days ago I didn’t even cry, I couldn’t cry. It was like I was dry and had run out of tears. My face was sunken and when I looked properly in the mirror today, I was shocked. I wasn’t crying anymore but I wasn’t happy either. I was numb, numb with pain and fear for who would be next. I felt empty when I thought about how I would never see those people again. That I had lost them forever. Just numb. I went through the days like a robot seeming like I was emotionless but I wasn’t I was hurting but I was almost like I was ready for another one because I just couldn’t think clearly about it anymore. At this point, it’s just like “whatever life is going to throw at me next I will be ready. bring it” I just didn’t really feel anymore. It’s starting to wear off but I don’t think I can really have fun for a while at least but I know they would want me to move on and not mourn or be depressed. They would want me to remember them but also get on with life and live it while I still have the chance to. Appreciate what I still got.

Have you ever had to deal with the passing of someone close? How did you handle it?

Going offline,

Girlalert xxx

Self-conscious, me? Whaaat….. never

Hey guys,

Hope you guys had a great week. I am so exhausted and can’t wait for this week to be over because school’s just started and I am already a zombie with a load of homework. I am so so sorry I wasn’t able to post as regularly but I will work on it it’s just the stress of getting back into the school routine.

The subject of school got me thinking about many things but mostly of how my anxieties stemmed from school and its environment how I always feel self-conscious around people but most when I am around people in school. Why you ask? Well simple because strangers you pass in the street you will probably never see again. So I don’t really care what they think of me or if I am being my crazy self and they might judge me for it. But in school that’s a completely different story. These people I have to see for pretty much every day except during holidays. These are people I pass in the hallway and say hi to. People I might have to work on a school project with. People who I don’t want to judge me. But in order for them not to do so, I can’t give them a reason to. So my anxieties starting building up slowly and over the years from being a wild careless kid in primary school I have become an extremely self-conscious teenager around people in school. Yes, even my friends because I know they won’t judge me or if they do they won’t openly do so and never do it on purpose. They want me to be happy but I just can’t help it anymore. It’s the most little things like: Is my hair frizzy after sport? or Is my skirt too short? or even Is my back too arched when I am bending over my book to do my work? Yes, I know they sound ridiculous but I got tensed when people watch me and I feel like they always do even though I never see anyone do it I just always sense and the feeling won’t go away unless I am completely alone. I will always be fixing my hair and playing with it because I don’t want to be talked about. I also feel really self-conscious about my body. I am average not too thin or anything. And my friends in the changing rooms always say, God, I wish I had a body like yours even the thinner friends of mine but I just hate the thought of someone looking at me. I feel pressured and small. When they talk about their bodies and what they don’t like about it it’s a joke to them or a passing comment most forget later but I feel so uncomfortable when they talk about things like that. Like I just want to change the subject or get out of the situation as fast as possible.

I am also constantly worried about what people I know think of me. Like is my laugh too weird? or Am I a bad person to have a conversation with? These anxieties just build up and sometimes I think that no one likes me or wants to hang out with me but I am so sure that’s just because of my insecurities. I don’t tell many of my friends because I don’t want to make them uncomfortable by restricting them from talking about things that make me uncomfortable also I think that if I tell them they will always act as if I was brittle or fragile or explosive and I don’t want them to act that way around me by being scared of me being offended. Like they have to walk on eggshells.

Are you guys self-conscious? If so in what way? How do you overcome it? I am trying to not be so insecure but I don’t know how to really stop it. I pretend not to care about what they think of me but I still do. Tell me what you think in the comments below?

Going offline,

Girlalert xxx

My first ever Liebster award!!

Heya readers,

Today I actually had a crappy day at school. My friends were all weird and distant and I had horrible subjects at school. My least favourite!! But then I came home with all this negativity and I checked my blog and guess what? I had been nominated for this award!!! That literally made me forget all about the bad things today and I was like filled with a glow. If you guys could see me right now you wouldn’t believe it!!

So first things first thank you so so much to fairylightsandpolaroids for the nomination. I don’t know how to ever express my gratitude. Okay, first can we appreciate how cool a name that is? Like I am jealous, girl! But honestly when I joined the blogosphere I was hoping to make internet friends and meet fellow blogger but this amazing talented open blogger I didn’t expect. I didn’t expect to find someone so like me and so kind!! And I never imagined becoming as close to her as I am now. We are BBFs Best Blogger Friends. So definitely check her out here

So the rules are the following:

  • Acknowledge the blog who nominated you
  • Answer 11 questions the blogger gave you
  • Give 11 random facts about yourself
  • Nominate 11 blogs
  • Notify them
  • Give them 11 questions to answer

Okay so here it goes here are my answers to your questions fairylightsandpolaroids

  1. Would you rather travel back in time or go to the future?

Now, this is a hard one because I feel like both would be amazing but I would probably want to go back in time. Not too far, still in my lifetime like when I was a child and re-experience the things I did and freshen up my memories. I would also want to see the millennium because it looked beautiful and there was so much celebration. Oh and of course go back really far in time as well but only once or so to see real dinosaurs and the way the world looked then.

I think travelling into the future has its perks but I like surprises and the unexpected in most cases so I want my life and the innovations and adventures that come with it to be a surprise.

2. What is the first item on your bucket list?

I have actually never made a bucket list or really thought about it. But I would probably really want to go sky-diving. YES! Omg, I would never actually do it I think unless I was with my friends because it would be so scary but I think once I jump out it will be amazing. I can imagine feeling so free and light and flying above the earth.

3. What is your favourite song?

Okay so I am one of those people that has a different favourite every day but currently, it’s probably “When you love someone”. It’s just stuck in my head and it’s so meaningful.

4. What is your favourite food?

Hmmm I mean I like most food but I love Maggi noodles I know I know it’s unhealthy and basically like pot noodles but they are so yummy! In my college days, I will probably survive on them.

5. What is one thing you have been putting off doing?

Well, I always put off doing homework if that counts.

6. What is your guilty pleasure?

Oooh guilty pleasure? I don’t think I have one actually. Unless you count binge-watching the vampire diaries and friends on Netflix.

7. Would you rather have no arms or legs?

Okay, first weird question. LOL but probably rather have no legs because I mean we could have wheelchairs and having arms I think is more useful than having legs apart from walking or running or playing most ball sports, they are useless and I don’t like sports that much anyway not as much as typing or writing so yeah …

8. Early Riser or Night Owl?

OMG!! I am so definitely a Night Owl. I mean you don’t understand. It’s so frustrating because even if I try to go to bed early I can only sleep at like 11 at least. And then in the morning, I keep hitting the snooze button until my father or mother comes into the room threatening to pour ice water over me. Literally happened not a joke. I know right, crazy? And when I finally et up I am a walking zombie until noon. If you let me I can sleep through days I am sure of it. Haha.

9. Sweet or Savoury?

Ahhhh Sweet all the way. I know it’s kind of unhealthy for you but hey that’s what keeps me energized all the time. Like I kinda freak if I don’t have chocolates for 3 days or something. I do like crisps and proper meals as well but there are so many varieties of sweets like chocolates and hard-boiled ones and gummy of the sour and sweet variety. Just YUM!

10. What is your earliest memory?

Oh well, I actually have a horrible memory! So I only really remember things from the age of 6 but I remember the first day of kindergarten, always have, always will. I still remember its layout and the big welcome sign for newbies. Then I searched the whole place to get to know it when I turned a corner I bumped into a short blonde. I apologised but she was sassy. Oh man so sassy. We turned out o be in the same group and went to the same primary school and we have been best friends ever since I was 1 or 2 I can’t remember exactly but I am like in secondary school nearing the end of it actually. So you do the maths, people. but anyway it’s a long time. we are still close but she lives in another country so it’s hard to talk sometimes but because we hung out so much our mum became best friends as well. And her mum like a second mum to me. I actually called her mum. And she says I was the second daughter she never had.

11. What was (is) your favourite year in school?

Probably Year 2 and 3 because I feel like when I was starting school it was a bumpy ride. I was just getting into the routine and I was shy about meeting new people and being in a new environment but then later it started to go away and school became more relaxing. some of my closest and best friends I also made those 2 years because people that age are so sweet and innocent and kind. That’s why I feel like the people I met at that age I know best and can trust the most because they were so open about everything and too innocent to know about popularity or stereotypes so they would never go behind your back or anything like that. We were all just a group. I also liked learning new things and doing crafty things and stuff but in secondary school, you learn new things as well but they are so much harder and more complicated and you get a ton of homework and that can really put you off school.

11 random things about me

  1. My favourite tv shows are probably friends and Gilmore girls but at the moment I am watching vampire diaries
  2. I believe in the supernatural.
  3. I believe in God but I am not of any known faith. It’s weird I believe in a bit of everything
  4. I am near the end of high school life (not in the final year but close) like a said but I have never had a boyfriend
  5. I speak 4 languages fluently (almost) the 4th one is a bit rusty but if I practised I could
  6. My favourite colour is purple or turquoise
  7. I am extremely indecisive
  8. I want to live in the States when I am older either NYC or somewhere in California
  9. I am super scared of spiders and snakes but I can see pictures and stuff but I hate looking at them sorry to all the spider lovers
  10. I love love love reading fictional books about vampires or angels or something supernatural like meta-humans but not the childish ones but the ones with lot of actions like angels vs. demons and stuff
  11. I play 2 instruments and sing

Here’s the moment you have all been waiting for *drum roll please*

My 11 nominations for the Liebster award are

Maddys Digital Diary


An anonymous escape from life

SKG fun

Defining yellow

Thumbelina writers





Answering these questions allowed me to even learn more about myself and maybe I will even start a bucket list. Who knows? I thought these questions were all thought-provoking. So all of my nominees shall answer the same ones EXCEPT for 9 instead of sweet or savoury I want you guys to explain why you chose to start a blog?

I look forward to seeing your posts guys. I am psyched!! Thx again to fairylightsandpolaroids for the nomination. Love to you all and goodnight!!

Going offline,

Girlalert xxx


Not good enough am I?

So I might or might not have mentioned that socially I can be a little awkward. I don’t have panic attacks or anything largely significant like that but in a social setting, I can feel very much crowded and self-conscious. I am not loud anymore and I guess I could seem like a downer.

Here it goes…

Recently I have been feeling a little left over really. Like I am always the one who has to reach out to people and never the other way around. Like I am people’s last resort and they would rather not hang out with me. Even in the hallways of school, I feel like everyone would rather talk to anyone else. It may just be my insecurities talking here but that’s just how I feel. Like I am not good enough to anyone. Like I am not fun enough or interesting enough. But really I don’t know what’s so wrong with me because I think many people are like me and yet I feel like others would rather hang out with them. I haven’t even done anything to upset them I am just a little awkward sometimes because I am self-conscious but I think most people are deep down.

I don’t know what to do or if it’s just my insecurities of feeling lonely and left out. Tell me what you think in the comments.

Going offline,

Girlalert xxx

Forgiveness… yeah that’s going to happen

Hey guys,

So recently I got in a bit of an argument with one of my friends. To give you a quick idea: She talked badly about me behind my back but then pretended she never did it and was extremely nice and innocent to my face. She also told some of my secrets that I told her in confidence. So she backstabbed me and betrayed me. I was really upset at first but I mean it happened already there’s nothing I or anybody can do to change that. Still, it hurt. I didn’t mind really that my secrets were in the open but more that she would talk badly about me. I hadn’t given her a reason to I realised she just wanted to gossip about others and because I trusted her and she turned out to be someone I didn’t think she was I was in shock and just sad. Sad that she pretended to be my friend and that she betrayed me without a second thought. It’s true what they say people aren’t always what they seem. I heard that she had done it to others so I was in a way prepared and had it coming but it still was shocking I guess I had this little hope that I was different. That our friendship meant more than that because I knew her the most and I was her closest friend, so I thought.

After she learnt that I had found out and she came rushing up to me saying stuff like “I didn’t mean it. I really do love you. It was just a stupid mistake. Forgive me please I am so sorry.” and “It won’t happen again”. But I just needed time to think I mean what did this mean for our friendship, could I really forgive her after that and am I sure I want to be friends with a person like that. I mean everyone talks about others a bit I am not going to lie but no one should do that to your best friends and not say such horrible, mean things about anyone really. Especially not tell secrets your best friend told you in confidence. So I took some time to think everyone would come up to me and say stuff like “Oh she’s just a B. She does that to everyone. SO annoying. Are you okay?” But I think by saying that you are almost sinking to their level. I learnt that I just want to take time and think about things with a calm head and mind without revenge or anger. So after a while, I decided knowing she was truly sorry I chose to forgive her. I realised that to move on from anything you need to forgive you can’t hold a grudge and I personally hate to leave on bad terms. Everyone deserves a second chance as long as they want it. Don’t get me wrong terrorists don’t deserve a second chance or any pity but this wasn’t nearly that bad so I forgave her because I wanted to move on from it not hold onto it and not let it make me sad over and over. Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting. I will always remember what she did because I would be stupid and careless to just forget it. That’s a side of her I never knew but now I am prepared. I am ready to give her another chance but I will keep in mind that, that side of her also exists. No matter how small it may be. This doesn’t mean holding grudges I am giving her a second chance but it means being smart and learning from your mistakes. I know she was truly sorry and I am too that she wasn’t who I thought she was. But the side of her that I befriended also exists in her and I think she is worth it as long as I am careful.

We are working on rebuilding our relationship now. I learning to slowly let my guard down again. I don’t know yet if I will ever fully trust her again but I still hope we can be friends after we figure the rest of it out. I know it won’t be like before but I mean it’s better than pretending to be oblivious to her other side and getting hurt again. That’s living a lie and I think that’s much worse.

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Have you guys ever had that happen to you? How did you deal with it? Do you think I made the right decision?

Going offline,

Girlalert xxx

Happy New Year!!!

Yes okay I know I am a bit late. I mean it’s already the second but to my defense, I was travelling and only arrived after midnight so it was the second anyway. But I am going to say it anyway:

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First of all I can’t believe a whole year has passed. I mean I don’t think I have gotten used to writing 2017 on a paper and now it’s 2018. What the hell happened right? I feel like the older we get the more we feel like time has literally flown by because we get busier with I don’t know building a family or career or even just getting more homework in school. Time passes so quickly and I feel like I can barely keep up. There’s so much that happened in 2017 and it feels like only yesterday but it’s already in the past and it’s time to move on. By the way, if anyone ever invents a way to time travel into the past or slow down time, please tell me immediately 

So you all know what’s coming, the cheesy long letter:

I wish you guys a wonderful new year filled with joy, laughter, happiness and love. May you be prosperous and successful with everything you put your mind to. May your wisdom grow and your personality blossom just a little bit more this year. May all your wishes, dreams and aspirations come true. May you embark on a new adventure and make new friends who will hopefully last a lifetime. I read somewhere that when a new year comes it’s like a new book with 365 pages and 12 chapters. That’s 365 new chances and opportunities. I realise it’s only 363 now but hey it’s still a lot. Make the most of it.

I think the new year is a great chance to become a better person. To change into a better version of yourself and to leave in the past in the past. But to do that you need to forgive those you have wronged you and move on. I think this season, this day is also about forgiveness. So to all those you have wronged me in 2017, here’s your second chance. Make it right again. I hope you guys do the same and let the past settle and forgive to move on. Everyone deserves a second chance. Keep that in mind and I wish you the best year!!

Going offline,

Girlalert xxx