So quick update: I am doing much better in the “friends” situation which some of you know about and I talked about in this post. It’s not that they are much better and I still feel a bit out of place and left out sometimes but I think I have learnt to deal with it better.🙅 Maybe because I realised that some people aren’t going to change and you can’t make them so I just kind of accepted it. It still hurts sometimes but there’s nothing more I can do or want to do.😌 I don’t want to feel so down anymore and I don’t want to waste any more time and emotion on them. And the good news is I have been getting closer to my other friends and it’s going great. 💜 They are super kind and everything you could wish a friend to be. I was hanging out with some of them this weekend and I not only fit right in but also I smiled and laughed like properly for the first time in a long time and it felt great and just invigorating.😂 Although I had a few tests this last week this whole week has just been amazing really. Like I don’t do too badly at school and I feel so much happier. 😄😜On top of that, there are now MORE THAN 100 PEOPLE in our little community. YAY!!! This literally makes this one of the best weeks of my life and I am so so happy that you liked my little corner of the internet. And think of this you are part of the reason this is such a great week for me so thank you from the bottom of my heart I really needed some happiness and now I have it and it couldn’t be better. When I started I didn’t expect much I just wanted to share my experiences and have a platform where I can be myself but now it’s so much more than that. It is our little internet family and you guys are so incredibly supportive and kind. I still can’t quite believe it. Like Whaaaaat! 💭I mean just wow and thank you!!
Love you all!! ❤ You are the best honestly!
So it’s only Monday but I am already exhausted and can’t wait for the weekend. Is it just me or what? I feel like today was so long and I was sitting in my lessons like whaaaat it’s only been 20 minutes but it feels like 2 hours already!! I have so much homework I am surprised I even got to write this blog today but here it is for you guys. I am working on something else as well but I feel like my other posts that are more on my personal feelings and emotions ( my life stories as I dub them) such as Finding a lost voice, or Safety net etc. take a lot more time because they are a lot harder to talk about and it’s an important issue to address so I don’t want to rush with them. I hope you don’t mind but I am still working on a few of them so I thought since I love love love movies I would name my Top 10. Some of these I have seen 1000 times it feels like but I will never get tired of them. Haha!!
This is an incredible story about a young teen who is passionate about her hobby: surfing. She was leading a perfect life, a loving family who also love surfing, a wonderful best friend and she excelled at surfing. However one day she lost her arm to a shark attack. Obviously, such an event scars someone for life but she didn’t give up. She stayed focused and despite her disability, she entered the contest she had always wanted to enter. I don’t want to give too much away but she also uses her passion to help other afraid of going out into the water. I think this is just an extremely inspiring and thought-provoking movie. And the fact that it’s based on a true story makes it even more powerful and inspirational. I would definitely recommend it.
The Greatest Showman
I mean honestly, do I even have to say the plot? Unless you have been licking under a rock you have probably heard of this spectacular amazing movie! The only reason I didn’t put it at the top was that although it was both inspirational and entertaining it didn’t affect me as much as Soul Surfer. Nonetheless, it’s an incredible film that addresses many important issues such as Greed, Racism, Believing in oneself and Perseverance to name a few. It’s a movie that follows the life of P.T. Barnum and his adventures as he sets himself the task of creating a show later called a circus. He worked from the very bottom teaching us so much about the importance of goals and dreams. It comes with how to handle fame and not let it get to you. Simply amazing! Highly recommend it.
Homeless to Harvard
This is a movie about a girl that was born into an abusive, drug taking family but also born with incredible skills in school. When she tried she excelled beyond normal capabilities. After being put in foster homes until the age of 18, she was kicked onto the streets, homeless. One day she picked herself up and she realised had the potential to lead a good life and make good friends rather than following her parent’s footsteps so she enrolled in school and worked incredibly hard to get a scholarship and not just go to any university but an Ivy League university: Harvard. It shows once again where determination and hard work can get you! It’s a bit dark at times I will admit and almost depressive but worth a watch nonetheless. It’s also based on a true story so like how amazing is that?
So those were my top 3 in order and these are the rest
4. Mean Girls
5. Legally blonde
7. The DUFF
8. 10 things I hate about you
9. Miss Congeniality
10. Bring it on
That’s not the exact order because some I just can’t decide on because well they are both amazing!! Ahhh!! But it is roughly the order. What do you guys think? Do you guys have any other favourites that I haven’t mentioned? Do you agree with some fo mine or even disagree with them? Leave your thoughts in the comments below!! Love you all
This is actually inspired by another blogger’s post called Love/Hate by fairylights or as I like to call her F&P. So firstly thanks for letting me use this idea I just it’s a nice and random way for you guys to get to know me and my likes/dislikes better. Haha. Even though I consider myself an open-minded person, despite the claims of some people (ahem mum) , that doesn’t mean I don’t have things I prefer over others like say sweets over spinach. Sorry spinach lovers it’s just not my cup of tea. Oh talking of which, I love tea!! Instead, all it means is that I am open to trying new things including new food and who knows it might become my favourite? But I still have my current favourites and my well dislikes. So let’s get into it, here’s my top 5.
- Food and drinks especially tea!!!
- My phone/laptop/any electronic really
- Horses and horse riding
- Singing/Dancing/any performing arts really
- Certain types of fish, although I love salmon and fish fingers
- Clowns (I used to love them as a kid but then people started dressing up as them in the UK and started harassing and even killing people which put me off them )
Now these are more like the superficial things because I obviously love my parents and hate bullying for example but I felt like I wanted to keep this post light-hearted for a change. Hope you don’t mind 😉
For this I actually didn’t struggle with the negatives or dislikes but more with the likes because there is so many and I didn’t know which ones made the cut. If you couldn’t tell already they aren’t in order because well frankly some are the same degree if you know what I mean. So I didn’t know how to put them down in order. Haha.
What do you think? Do you have your list of likes/dislikes. Tell me in the comments. Better even why don’t we start like a thread or what’s it called? So you guys all do a post on your top 5 likes/dislikes. How cool would that be? I think we can make it happen! Love you all!!
P.S. Sorry I didn’t post yesterday I actually wrote this yesterday but just forgot to hit the Publish button. I know I know how stupid am I? Haha anyway sorry!!
Before you start reading the post I just wanted to explain why I didn’t post on Friday. Firstly I will probably only be posting once a week and that will probably be Friday or Monday but since I had already posted that week I didn’t post on Friday. Hope you don’t mind. Now this topic is kinda dark I guess but we need to embrace the light and the dark because are in us whether we admit it or not. It’s like those little cartoons where the person would have an angel on one shoulder telling it to do good and then the devil on the other shoulder telling us that we can be naughty and bad. Sometimes I can’t help myself and I am tempted or convinced by my own demon or devil I guess and I believe the lies he feeds me through my ear but then later I regret it or feel even more horrible. So this is kinda one of these things I guess.
Believe it or not, I am an extremely loud, extroverted person on the outside but inside I am an insecure mess at times and maybe even a bit anxious around people. Oh and let’s not forget totally self-conscious. Now some of you who have read my other posts might know I have struggled in the past with completely opening myself up and not hiding behind a facade for fear of being judged for being weak or a downer. But I am working on breaking down my mask/facade and every day I am a little closer but I think I will always have my down days at times and I think it’s normal and human and people need to accept that and stop judging people for it. But one of the things that I kept up as a facade was generally going along with everything someone else would say. For example, if my friend likes a certain movie and I didn’t I would sometimes pretend I did because I wanted to fit in I didn’t want to have a disagreement or even disagree with her because she might like me a little less for it or maybe judge me for it. So many little things like that added up to make the facade and mask I, kind of, live with now. I always agreed with everyone and never voiced my own opinion even if it differed. I was the girl who could fit in and blend anywhere but not because of who I am but because of who I became. The anxiety of being judged or deserted for being different consumed it and made me a different person to the point where I almost didn’t recognise me. I know it may seem a bit melodramatic to you but it’s the truth and reality for me. I hid my feelings and emotions and opinions just everything really.
And I knew I was living with a mask. I knew subconsciously that this wasn’t me but I guess I didn’t want to admit it because once I do I will have to change. And I don’t know how I didn’t realise this earlier but only a few days ago I realised I didn’t even have a voice, an opinion of my own, not really anyway. The way I realised it was that in my friendship situation which you might know f you read a group but not really, one of my older posts, has caused me to feel quite left out and lonely. Basically to summarise the situation: I am in a trio of friends and it kinda went all great until a few months ago when suddenly the two other friends in my trio started to hang out a lot more and without me. I am not just saying outside of school but even in school. Like even if we had to work as partners we would convince the teachers to let us work as a three. And previously we would save seats for each other in class and talk about everything. But now the other two always work in a pair and not save seats for each other but not me and I kind of feel excluded and the thing is I didn’t do anything to upset them because when I ask them about this they claim nothing has changed and we are all just as close and at first I believed it because we that’s what I always did right agree with others. But then it started to grow and I felt more and more alone and left out so I knew that it wasn’t just me being paranoid of losing a friendship so valuable to me I knew that even if they weren’t doing it on purpose it was definitely there. And this feeling just grew and grew and I kind of snapped out of it in a way a few days ago when it just became so much for me and I admitted to myself that, you know what, despite what they say it’s there and what I am feeling is not just my imagination. I have been caused to feel it even if they disagree with it. Because I do have a voice after all. I feel differently and you know what? It’s okay. I don’t have to agree with everything they say because otherwise I am not myself and they aren’t friends with the real me. They like the mask I put on. I don’t mean just the two others in my trio because I have opened up to them about how I wear a mask figuratively and they know the real me or so I think but my others friends might be friends with the masked girl, not the real me. So I decided that I had to change. I had to own and respect my own voice. If I have a different opinion to someone else then so what? Was this change going to be scary? Heck YES. Even today I started my other friends were saying how they don’t like a certain subject and previously I had always been silent and had no opinion sometimes even agreed with them but this time I stood up for myself because if I don’t look out for myself who will? I disagreed with them and they were shocked. They looked perplexed that I dare have a different opinion. Haha. I just explained that the same way they had their opinion I do too and if mine was different so what? We should all be allowed to have our own view on things and it doesn’t mean we can’t be friends it just means that we disagree on one tiny thing out of many many other things we agree on. It may seem insignificant to you guys but for me it was a huge step towards finding my own voice again and being confident. A step towards breaking down my mask and showing the world the real me. Yeah, it was scary but hey I think it will be worth it! So I have decided to not be silent anymore. I will stand by my voice and won’t let anyone take it away from me ever again. It’s the essence of my personality. It’s my voice and I want it back!
So I get that this is a dark and controversial issue but this is my take on it. I won’t listen to the little devil on my shoulder telling me to compromise and fit in. I will listen to the angel telling me to not hide but voice my opinions. What about you guys? What do you think of this? Love you all and hope you guys had a good start to the week!
First things first welcome to everyone who’s new!! I am so so happy that you have joined us and that our little community has grown. I really hope you like it here and I would love to hear your views so don’t be shy with the comments.
So I have been giving this a lot of thought and I think this be this would best decision.
Unlike most bloggers I don’t have fixed times I blog so most of my readers, you guys, don’t know when to expect another post. And I think that’s been really unfair on my part to do that you. So in order to give this blog some structure and you guys something to look forward as well as teaching myself some discipline (because I could really use it believe me haha) I am going to be trying to blog once maybe rarely twice a week. In the holidays I will probably have some more time so this is just while I am in school. It’s going to be on Fridays or Mondays. I just thought you guys are so loving and supportive and I am so so lucky to have you that I should not string you on like that. Again there might be times I miss it or I post more than twice a week, unlikely but hey you never know, so I just want to apologise for that now.
Do you think this is a better idea? Please do tell me what you think in the comments because essentially this is about you guys so yeah. Love you all!!