I think almost everyone has one it’s all nice and rosy in life because you have like a back-up UNTIL you become one. That’s when I realised that everyone has one, heck even I probably had one, even though I am ashamed to admit it now, but it got me thinking is it really fair to the person who is your safety net?
Okay so maybe I should back up a bit. For a while now I realised that I don’t really have a best friend like most people do instead I have many close friends who occasionally hang out with me. I always felt I was missing out on something and I just didn’t know why. I still don’t know why and I am still confused as to why this is happening to me. What did I ever do to deserve this? I explained this all in one of my recent posts: Not good enough am I? But it never occurred to me why some people were friends with me or why some would only really talk to me on certain days. But then a few days ago, like a said previously I am in a trio of friends and the other two seem to be a bit closer, one of them literally didn’t talk to me the whole day until the second friend in the trio left so there was only me and her and only then did she start talking to me properly and we had a laugh and it was all fun and games. But at home, it dawned on me that I was her second choice and the only reason she talked to me was because the other friend had already left. I wouldn’t say I was her safety net because sometimes we talk even though the other friend is there but it almost seemed like it. But then I started noticing it with others who I am close with but maybe not as close as the two in my trio and I noticed how I was their safety net for sure and they didn’t even try to conceal it or hide it. It was so obvious and I wondered why I had never noticed it before. I guess I knew somewhere but never admitted it for fear of it being true so just lived a lie. It’s one of these things that once you see them you can’t unsee them and you start seeing them everywhere or in my case with almost everyone. It’s also one of the ways I found out who my true friends are and who really wanted to be friends with not just as their Plan B or a back-up but truly valued my friendship.
Now yes I admit even I probably had one without noticing that one friend that I would talk to thinking I just barely “see” her but really I only “saw” her when I didn’t see my immediate close friends. And to a degree, I think everyone had one or two of those kinds of friends and I think it’s become normal because we are so used to it by now. It’s become a habit for everyone to have a safety net. It’s a way of survival amongst society because you don’t want to be seen as friendless or a “loner” but I also think just because we are used to it doesn’t mean it’s right especially when the person who is your safety thinks you guys are more than that, like proper friends, not just a second option. You can’t lead someone on like that and hurt their feelings. We need to be less selfish and look around and see and acknowledge those people and let them go. Let them have their own lives and friends which they deserve. We need to put our feelings aside for once and understand theirs and put ourselves in that position. I know it’s a lot to ask because frankly, I didn’t even know I had a safety net. I didn’t even understand the concept until I became one. It’s hard for anyone to understand who hasn’t been in that situation. I am going to try to change and I know it’s going to be hard but I hope you guys will too. Firstly I think I will do what I should have done long ago. This is for all my past safety net friends:
I am so so sorry that I lead you on and that I let you have hope in me. I am sorry that I seem to have used you and only talked to you when I didn’t have immediate friends nearby. I am sorry that I never acknowledged your feelings and only blindly cared about mine. I am sorry that I was so selfish and lastly I am sorry for not understanding you or realising what I put you through. I can’t change the past only learn from it but I can change the future and I give you my word that I will no longer be like this. I will no longer be blind and ignorant. I will change.
Sorry, it was a long post but I just had to let it all out. What do you guys think of this? Have you ever been a safety net friend or do you have one without realising? Love you all!